Avengers Play Minigolf
by Calming Breezes
Summary: What happens when the Avengers go out for pizza and find a mini-golf course? Read and find out!
1. Chapter 1

"Tony, could you straighten the laser level. It seems to be a few centimeters off."

"I set it myself; it will never be a few centimeters off unless you bumped it."

"I don't bump things…the other guy might though. If you keep being like this then the other guy will bump the laser level."

Tony looked at Bruce. He noticed that Bruce had bags under his eyes and was blinking rapidly. He was sighing almost more than he was yawning. He also realized it had been over ninety hours since they last slept.

"We should take a break. I can see you're a little on edge."

"A little on edge? I've been trying to recalibrate the gamma ray synthesizers to the exact data SHIELD somehow managed to wring from General Ross' grasp. We are on the brink of finding a way to separate myself from the other guy. That was the promise I made with Fury so that I could be free of the other guy while not killing him. So, I don't want to take a nap and I don't want to stop! I am a little on edge because I am this close to finding a way to not have to worry-"

Tony fell backwards as Bruce melted away and turned into the Hulk. Hulk started yelling and trying to smash all the work Bruce had been working on. Tony immediately jumped in front of Hulk.

"HULK! HULK, stop!"

"HULK MAD!"

"I know, but smashing things isn't going to help!"

"BANNER TIRED! HULK HUNGRY! HULK MAD!"

"Well, how about this, we go out for something and then blow off some steam."

"HULK EAT NOW!"

"To eat, you have to let Bruce out."

"BANNER NO FUN!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know he can be a drag sometimes, but I don't think restaurants have made their seats Hulk-friendly. Besides, the food all goes to the same stomach."

"BANNER STOMACH TINY!"

"We'll get some for later and I'll make sure Bruce lets you out."

"HULK AGREE!"

Hulk shrunk into a regular sized, naked Bruce. He rubbed his eyes and noticed he was naked. He covered himself as Tony chuckled.

"Hulk almost broke all your equipment. You should be thanking me."

"I'll thank you when I get some pants on."

"After you get your clothes, we're going out for something to eat."

"I can't stop now."

"If you don't then Hulk will visit and smash me for not getting him something to eat. Come on, we can hang with the rest of the team and go for pizza or something."

"Pizza sounds good." Bruce said remorsefully as he held his growling stomach.

"All right, pizza it is. I'll tell Pepper to get a car ready for us."

Tony ran up the stairs to find the rest of the Avengers lounging in the living room. Steve was changing the channels on the television like a five-year-old would. Clint and Natasha were snuggled together on the couch while cleaning their weapons. Thor was arguing with Jarvis about something to do with the computer's inability to show himself as a person.

"Who wants to eat something? Bruce was thinking pizza."

"Pizza for breakfast? Not the healthiest choice, Tony." Clint said as he looked up from his bow.

"Breakfast? What time is it?"

"Seven in the morning. Steve here was the first and loudest one up."

Steve said nothing, but continued to flip through the channels even faster. He got a confused look on his face as he found the button that changed the input.

"Well, Bruce wants pizza. I figured he needed to be around the rest of the team. No sense in me hogging him all the time."

"Did he have an incident? I heard something downstairs just a while ago." Natasha said as she started to stand up.

"Stark, order your servant to reveal himself!"

"Thor, I have told you a thousand times that Jarvis is a computer and therefore cannot show himself."

"Does he do as you command?"

"Yes."

"And he never questions you?"

"No, not really."

"Then he is a servant. I have never heard of a servant with no body or face."

"You know what, I'll give Jarvis a projection program so he can make a holographic version of himself appear anywhere in the house. Does that sound fine?"

Thor smiled and seemed pleased by the idea. Tony returned to getting the team to join Bruce and him in pizza. They eventually agreed and piled into the car Pepper had gotten.

"Man of iron, will you provide entertainment from the device you call the radio?"

"Fine." Tony said as he turned on the radio.

It opened with an old classic rock of Journey. Clint began to sing along, but entirely off key.

"That's enough of that." Tony said as he quickly turned off the radio.

Five minutes later, the team was quarreling over which kind of pizza they wanted. They decided it best to order three large pizzas and have a little of everything on each. Clint and Natasha shared the supreme and Natasha picked off most of her bread. Steve, Tony, and Bruce all dug into the meat pizza and devoured every slice.

"Do you guys just go until Bruce Hulks out?" Clint asked between bites.

"Sometimes I take a nap at my station," Bruce answered. "But I was close to something around the time I usually collapse so I was a little short."

"A little short? How about angry and ranting? You seriously had me wondering if I should knock you out or something."

"Sorry, Tony. I didn't mean to-"

"I'm only joking, Bruce." Tony said as he pulled a long strand of melted cheese from his pizza.


	2. Chapter 2

After the bill had been paid and food boxes had been filled, the team piled back into the car and began their journey home. The only thing that stopped them was a squeal from the backseat that made Tony slam on the breaks. Bruce hit his forehead on the dashboard and felt Clint's head smashing into the back of his seat.

"What was that about?" Tony asked angrily.

"We must play this miniaturized version of golf!" Thor said as he bounced in his seat and pointed out the window.

"Why?" Bruce asked.

"Because it is the definition of fun and laughter for all ages! We should also engage in the consumption of frozen cream with sugar and other ingredients!"

"You just read that off the sign. And we have ice cream at home." Clint said as he looked at the billboard Thor had found.

"But…do not all your signs give accurate and trustful statements? I also devoured the sweet frozen cream."

"There's an ice cream parlor down the street from the mini-golf place. And the parlor's right next to some stores." Natasha said as she began planning where to shop.

"No, Thor, they don't and I don't feel like staying out for a long time. Let's head back home and get to work." Tony said, hoping Thor would forget about the mini-golf and ice cream.

"I don't think it would kill us to put off our work for an hour or so. Besides, do you really want to put us through the similar behavior Thor exhibited when you said he couldn't get the puppy?" Bruce asked as he stared at Tony.

Tony knew that Thor would not give up his quest until he achieved it. He mentally kicked himself for allowing Bruce to talk him into moving into the place Fury had decided would be the temporary Avengers headquarters. Sure, it gave the rest of the team something to do when Bruce and Tony shut themselves in the lab, but they would force the two out into the real world and never let them go.

"I think we should head back anyway. We can always go mini-golfing some other time."

"Oh, look who's such a party pooper now. What happened to the wild and crazy Tony Stark?" Natasha asked.

"He decided to try to get his priorities straight and help his friend be happy."

"Well, all work and no play isn't good. How about we make a bet? If you win, then we go straight back. However, if you lose then we have to spend the whole day out."

"Don't try to bait me into a competition."

"I bet he's just worried he'll be shown up by a girl." Clint taunted.

Tony didn't say anything for a while. He sighed and hoped that he won mini-golf.

"I swear, I will be back at the house by lunchtime or there will be serious consequences." Tony grumbled.

Natasha rolled her eyes as Tony drove to the mini-golf facility. He found a decent parking place and stopped the car. Everyone got out, but it was Thor who almost flew to the entrance. He was running around inside, looking at all of the Vikings statues and reading the stories on the plaques.

"This is why I told you it was a bad idea to teach him how to read." Natasha whispered to Bruce.

"He wanted to know what I was scribbling." Bruce answered as Tony walked to the cashier.

"Uh, I think there are six of us. I'll be paying for all of them."

"Fine." The cashier said as she punched the buttons of the register.

Tony paid and wrote down the order that they were playing in on the scorecard. Thor and Steve soon became engulfed with confusion and enthusiasm.

"Okay, here are the putters. I think you should get the longest." Tony said as he handed two putters to the two heroes.

"And what do we use this for, Man of iron?" Thor asked as he held the putter from the head.

"You hit the ball."

"Why?"

"To try to get it into the hole."

"I do not see any holes, Man of iron. Are they hidden? Is this like your hide-and-seek game? I did not enjoy that game. You hid in your invisible suit of iron." Thor said.

"No, you walk through those doors and go to the first hole. How about I go first to show you?" Tony said as he herded the group outside.

Steve was easier to teach than Thor because he had actually played regular golf before. Tony figured it would be safe to have Bruce teach Steve because Natasha only made Steve feel stupid. Clint was even worse at teaching because he just told Steve to aim the ball at pigeons.

"Okay, Thor, watch me."

Tony looked at the first hole. It was easy enough so Tony knew it would be a perfect teaching hole.

"You look at the hole, see it? Well, you aim your ball at the hole and hit the putter. Then, if you aim the putter straight enough, you might get a hole in one."

"And one wishes to receive a hole in one?" Thor asked.

"Yes, you don't want very many strokes."

"Why would anyone wish for many deadly illness of the brain?"

"No, Thor, not that kind of stroke. A stroke, in any sort of golf, is when you hit the ball with the putter. I got a hole in one on this hole, so I did very good."

"Tony! Tony! Are you watching Natasha and Clint?" Steve shouted.

Tony looked up to see Clint on the eighth hole and smiling as his ball went into the hole. Tony noticed the assassin was standing at the front end of the hole.

"They've been making hole in ones on all the holes!" Steve shouted as if he were amazed.

"I suppose they would." Bruce said as he hovered around Tony and Thor.

"Well, they are the world's greatest assassins. If they can't make a hole in one on a family-friendly mini-golf course, then there is something wrong." Tony muttered.

Tony realized he was doomed to a day with not scientific progress. He saw Bruce's face and noticed it wasn't as sad as he thought it would. In fact, it seemed Bruce was happy to be out and with the team.

"Hurry up Tony, don't stall! We have some shopping to go to after this!" Natasha giggled as she hit her ball into the hole without even looking.

"I should have never taken to pizza with us." Tony said as he missed the hole completely and had to try again.


	3. Chapter 3

**I would like to take the time and say that, sadly, I own nothing of the Avengers. I would also like to state that I will try to put out fun chapters, so as to optimize the joy you get from browsing this site. Thank you for the reviews and adding me to your lists! :D **

"So, Stark, who won?" Natasha said snidely as Thor sang his ice cream song.

"You did. I would like to say that you had an unfair advantage."

"Yes, but who ever said that a bet had to have a level playing field? Come on, Stark, we have ice cream and shopping to go to."

"I wish to advance from using a bowl to using a cone made from the similar ingredients as waffles! It will be as if I am enjoying a second breakfast as well as dessert!" Thor bellowed as he got into the car.

"Bruce, I'm sorry that these people are forcing us to not finish your goal of becoming yourself again."

"I've waiting for years for this to happen…a little celebration is fine by me."

"This is your celebration? Having a day out with your co-workers?"

"Having a day out with my friends. There is a difference, Tony." Bruce said as he got into the passenger's seat.

Tony got into the car and drove to the ice cream parlor, which opened at 10. Tony turned to Natasha who was staring at Thor. Realization slowly came across Thor's face. His smile fell and, if it was possible, the car seemed a little dimmer than it was before.

"Don't be sad, Thor," Bruce said as he leaned into the backseat. "We'll come back later. That way, the ice cream will be even sweeter since it's supposed to get almost one hundred degrees outside today."

"Do you promise, Man of green?" Thor said as his lip quivered.

"Yes and I also hear that this place has a store with so many toys that you will bankrupt Tony in trying to buy them all."

"Hey! Don't tell him that!" Tony snapped.

"There is?" He asked as he began to smile.

"Yes and we can stay there for as long as you like."

"Great, now we're never getting home."

"Oh, shut it, Stark. Let Thor enjoy today at least." Natasha ordered.

Bruce watched as Tony trudged into the store as Thor zoomed from one isle to the next. He knew that Tony was a terrible loser, but he had expected the genius to man up and have a good time.

"Do you need to take a break? I can watch Thor and you can take a nap in the car."

"I'm fine."

"Tony, you have bags under your bags on your eyes. It's okay to sit this one out. You've been working a long time."

"Then how come you aren't about to collapse?" Tony asked Bruce.

"Because I have gone longer than this without sleep. Just go to the car and recline the seat."

"I think I-"

"Man of iron! Man of green! Come quickly and look upon this interesting object!" Thor shouted from the back of the store.

Bruce and Tony found Thor. He was holding tiny stuffed versions of the entire team. They were all suited up (in Bruce's case, suited down) and in various poses.

"You did not tell me that Earth had dark magic dolls. We must destroy them all and find the source." Thor said darkly as he held the tiny doll version of himself to his face.

"Earth has dark magic dolls, but they don't work. These," Tony said as he pointed to the dolls. "Are toys parents get their kids so they can make believe they are the entire Avengers team."

Thor seemed less worried, but still disturbed by his own stuffed copy. Tony found Steve who was enjoying the 1940s isle. He was admiring the pictures and staring at the clocks and other items.

"I'm going to the car to take a nap," Tony shouted to Bruce. "Don't let them burn the place down."

Tony went out to the car and reclined the driver's seat. He closed his eyes and immediately fell asleep. He had never thought sleep would be so amazing.

"So I noticed that Tony is not here." Steve said as he found Bruce.

"Yeah, he was crabby so I told him to take five."

"Take five of what?"

"It's a figure of speech, Thor. I told Tony to take a nap."

"Then why is the motorized transportation, which still carries Man of iron, leaving without us?"

Bruce turned to where Thor pointed to see their car peel out into the street. The problem was that Bruce didn't see Tony driving.

"Tasha."

"I told you guys not to call me that." Natasha said as she quickly found the three.

"What's up?" Clint asked.

"Tony left us."

"Of course he would. He can never keep a promi-"

"I believe Man of green is stating it was not of Man of iron's accord to leave us." Thor said as he stared out the window.

"Oh. So, somebody kidnapped him?"

"No, Clint, he just decided to ditch us. Of course he was kidnapped! We have to find him before the press finds out or worse…if Pepper finds out."

Thor held out his arm and Mjolnir came to his beckon. Clint and Natasha pulled out their weapons from Natasha's purse. (Clint had gotten Tony to make a travel version of his bow that compressed even smaller than before.) Bruce started to change, but stopped when he remembered he was in a store.

"Let's go save our friend." Natasha said as they left the store.


	4. Chapter 4

"Tony Stark? Tony Stark? Will you open your eyes already?" A voice shouted in Tony's ear.

"Maybe if you say please."

Tony felt someone smack the side of his face. He groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. He started to rub his cheek, but he was tied to a table.

"I swear, I've seen this somewhere before."

There was a bright light shining down on Tony. He looked to his side to see a man in a lab coat. He was writing something on a clipboard. He seemed completely focused on whatever he was writing.

"We have been planning this moment for years. All we needed was for you to let your guard down. You believed surrounding yourself with friends who were special would save you, but we are far more advanced than your silly grunts."

"I'm pretty sure I have seen this before."

"We have also monitored your behavior. You are reckless and seem to not care about your life at all. We have decided that you are not able to be responsible for your life. Our sponsors will not stand for a mind as strong as yours to be snuffed out so quickly."

"Oh…never mind. I haven't heard this before. This is a new one. Please, continue."

"Our sponsors paid us to have you kidnapped and brought here so that you can live out your life inventing more technology to better humanity. Honestly, I would have just rather sent someone to speak with you, but our sponsors always enjoy making things more difficult than it should be."

"They sound fun." Tony said sarcastically as he tried to sit up.

"I highly doubt you are going to escape those bonds. We also took your tracking system offline. No one knows where you are and they will never find you."

"You do know that my team was comprised of a legend, a huge green guy, two of the best assassins ever, a Norse god, and myself, right? Not only will Natasha and Clint find me, but they have back-up that will seriously give this place a much needed makeover."

"You speak so highly of them. Perhaps you would be right, if we were most of your enemies, but we are not. We have complete files of your teammates and know how to defeat them. They will not stand a chance against our defenses."

"And what weakness did you find?"

"They become weaker as they separate. It is as though your bond is what creates your strength, so we decided to use the old fashion method: divide and conquer."

The man left Tony to think on this. Tony remembered his teammates and realized just how right the man was. His team was unstoppable together, but apart they were quite vulnerable. If they found wherever Tony was, then they would be subjected to the horrors of divide and conquer.

"Okay, so Tony went to take a nap and the van just took off? No one was in the driver's seat?"

"I believe Man of iron decided to use the head seat of the motorized transport as his bed."

"Do you think we could pick up the trail of where the car went? I'm pretty sure people would have noticed it." Bruce said as he looked around.

The team was standing in front of the sport where the car had been. Clint was searching various stores for outdoor security cameras that might had caught who took Tony.

"Can I have your autograph?" A girl screamed.

Bruce almost hulked out from the sheer surprise of the scream. He then realized almost the entire team was in their very iconic suits. Steve had somehow managed to bring his outfit, but not his shield. Clint was in his full archer's outfit and Natasha had put on all her guns over her normal clothes. The only thing that made Bruce seem normal was that fact that he wasn't green.

"We don't hav-"

"Here," Bruce said as he signed the girl's poster. "I'll sign it."

"What about you?" She asked as she turned to Steve.

"Well, miss, I don't see why not." Steve signed the girl's poster quickly.

"And us?" Clint asked as he appeared out of nowhere.

"Where's Iron Man?" She asked without even facing the two assassins.

"Oh, that's cold."

"She's a teenager." Natasha answered coldly.

"And I have perfect aim, awesome Matrix-like stunts, and plenty of muscles. Why wouldn't a teenager want a piece of this?"

"Never say that again. You sound like a pedophile."

"Mr. Stark went home. He said Jarvis needed assistance." Steve said, trying to cut off the assassin's grumbling.

"I saw him riding away in his car. Was he testing out a self-drive car? I heard those things were dangerous, but then again, Tony Stark is exactly that kind of person." The girl said as she sighed dreamily.

"I say we should leave him alone for a while. A little rest from this kind of popularity would be good for him." Clint said as he began to fold up his bow.

"You do know that not only would Pepper kill us, but his popularity would skyrocket." Bruce said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Sometimes Iron Man fans drove the team to near insanity. They also blew Tony's ego up even more.

"You saw him leaving? Do you know which way he was heading?" Steve asked, clearly annoyed with the lack of focus the team had.

"He was heading to that shoe store down at the far end of the road. I bought some shoes there that were to die for."

"And after that?"

"Well, my sister tore the heel off and I cut her hair while she was sleeping." The girl said as she smiled.

"Do you want her to ask for your autograph-?"

"Not another word, Natasha. Not another word." Clint said as he stared at the girl.

"I was asking about after they got to the shoe store."

"Oh, these two guys walked him to a white van and put him in the back. Ooo, was he kidnapped? Oh no! Iron Man was kidnapped?" The girl almost shouted as she put her hands on her cheeks and made a very animated "scared" face.

"No! Uh, we are having- uh-"

"Team building training. SHIELD wants us to be a better team. It's only a drill."

The girl was considerably less worried. She smiled again and seemed to accept the lie.

"You're a good liar." Clint said as he poked Bruce.

"I've been on the run for years. If I couldn't lie then I would have been caught." Bruce said as he stared off into the distance.

"Okay, so now we have to find a white van."

"How did the kidnapper know that we were out? We didn't know we were going out until Bruce hulked out."

"Maybe they have…bugs?" Steve asked to be sure he knew he was using the right word.

"Yes bugs and I highly doubt there would be bugs. Tony installed Jarvis into the house and almost everywhere else. Jarvis can pick up on any bug that would have been there." Natasha answered.

"What if the bug wasn't one Jarvis was programmed to look for?"

"Tony programmed Jarvis. I hate to sound like Tony, but Jarvis would catch anything. He's the most advanced security system I have ever encountered. I've only managed to sneak out three times and mostly because I knew when Tony was working on Jarvis." Natasha explained.

"What enemies does Tony have?"

"You seriously are going to have us list his enemies? He's got exes, business CEOs, other countries who had weapons contracts with him, and then there's people like Loki. Honestly, the guy has made a plethora of enemies. It would take weeks to narrow that list down. We have to find this white van." Clint expressed.

"First, I think we should find our car. We shouldn't walk around all day and tire ourselves before we even fight." Bruce said as he took out his glasses and began to clean them.

"I might assist in the search by flying." Thor said

The team walked until they found the car. It was by a shoe store and no one had touched it. Natasha got into the driver's seat and started the car up. Thor flew into the sky and began searching for the van.

"Do you think we'll find the van?" Clint asked.

"I hope so. They couldn't have gotten that far."

"Perhaps they did another vehicle swap."

"Or maybe-"

"Friends," Thor said through the radios they had found in the trunk. "I have found a motorized transport that you described to me. It has no windows and no markings. I will intercept."

"Thor, we have to make sure that's not just a regular van."

"Have at thee! You dare take my brother-in arms, the Man of iron? I will make your ancestors weep at the sight of their descendants falling to Thor Odinson!"

"THOR!"

"Woman whose hair is red, I will deal with these of lesser blood."

Natasha found Thor, who was attacking a white van. The rest of the guys, who were in the car with Natasha, burst out laughing at the van Thor had decided was evil.

"Thor, do you have sewage systems on your planet?"

"Do you speak of the way you dispose of fecal matter?"

"Yes."

"There is a method Asgardians use to dispose of fecal matter. It is interesting and very-"

"The people you are dealing with are called plumbers," Steve said after he stopped laughing. "They take care of our sewage."

"Oh. Oh! Oh, I beg for forgiveness, fecal matter destroyer! I am searching for my brother-in-arms and mistook your transport as his captor's motorized transport. A thousand apologies."

"Just…just let us go."

"I only wish destruction upon those who harm my friends. How may I assist you?"

"Leave us alone!"

Thor flew back to the team and pushed himself into the backseat. Bruce and Clint were squished against the door opposite of the Norse god.

"I wished for forgiveness. They shouted at me."

"It's okay Thor. People make mistakes." Natasha said as she began driving.

"Hey! Hey, Thor!"

Thor turned to see two teenagers running towards the car. He opened the door without telling Natasha, who quickly slammed on her breaks.

"Yes, young mortals?" Thor asked.

"You lookin' for Tony Stark? We saw where he went!"

"Please, I wish to know of the Man of iron's location."

"These guys took him out of the van and pushed him into a huge, armored car, and drove down that way."

"Many thanks and blessings. My friends, did you hear?"

"Yes, get in the car and let's go." Natasha said through the earbud radio.

"Very well!"

Thor got into the car and Natasha drove away. She worried about Tony. If she was by herself, she would have found him by now, but knew that the team would want to help. She never liked kidnappings because they could become dangerous very easily, especially if a billionaire, playboy, philanthropist was in the mix.


	5. Chapter 5

The team quickly got lost again. Natasha had tried to find Tony with the tracking device, but it had been deactivated.

"So, we have no idea where Tony is and no way of tracking him."

"If only he could turn on his tracker, then we wouldn't have any trouble."

"I'm pretty sure that he's thinking of a way of doing that."

"If its Tony we're talking about, I would think he'd be thinking of some snarky comment or retort to make them mad." Bruce said quietly.

The team sat in the car. They didn't know what to do. Natasha finally broke the silence.

"We're gonna have to call her."

"By her you mean Pepper, right?" Clint asked reluctantly.

"You know she can't help us."

"Pepper has been Tony's assistant for a long time. She knows things that could help us find him."

"She's also his girlfriend and will freak when she finds out that he's been kidnapped. She will kill us along the way for not keeping a close eye on him!" Clint said.

"She will kill us if we didn't tell her that he was kidnapped. Call her now."

It was decided that Steve should call. He always seemed to put Pepper at ease better than any of the others.

The phone rang and rang. Before the last ring, Pepper answered.

"Hello, Tony. I'm really busy right now and can't talk."

"Miss Potts, this is Steve, using Tony's car phone. I am sorry, but Tony has been kidnapped."

"What ever happened to letting her down easy?" Clint hissed.

Pepper was quiet for a long time. Steve worried he had somehow broken the phone.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" She said suddenly.

"At the intersection by the lake. I am terribly sorry that we failed in keeping him safe."

"I had a feeling he was going to have this problem sooner or later. I'll meet up with you there. Don't leave."

"We won't, Ma'am." Steve said as he hung up.

Clint looked at how packed the back seat and then to the front seat where Natasha and Bruce sat.

"We're gonna need a bigger car."

"So, by protecting me, does that mean you have to do everything I say? Because I think I should be let off the table. I get it, I'm kidnapped, but do we really have to go through the whole scenario?"

"You are increasingly annoying. No wonder Hammer wanted you put away for good."

"Hammer? That fool managed to kidnap- wait, you said that your sponsor wanted to preserve me! Hammer wants to destroy me! What was that monologue about preserving the genius that is Tony Stark?" Tony shouted at the man, the same man who had woken him up.

"You will be given everything you need, not want, to work. Your company will fall to ruin without you."

"Oh," Tony said as he began to chuckle. "It isn't my company anymore. I gave the CEO title to someone else. I get my billions from my royalties and creations now. That and the fact that I'm Iron Man."

"The fact that you are Iron Man is the reason you are here. Hammer wants you to create another suit."

"Sorry, I don't make replicas."

"It was not a suggestion."

Tony knew he was treading on thin ice. He knew that they wouldn't kill him because they needed him alive, but they still wouldn't lose a second of sleep over beating him up.

"We will release you now."

"Fine."

Tony saw the other side of the room light up where even more tables were set up with various materials and tools. He realized that not only did Hammer want another Iron Man, but he wanted a better one. Tony understood why he was kidnapped. Hammer wanted to destroy Stark Enterprise with Tony's own creation.

"Now, that's not good." Tony muttered as he picked up a tool and began working.

** Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, but I am working very hard! I ehope you enjoy the rest of this fanfic and I always love your input. This is a really good way to fine-tune my writing for when I actually publish something that is an original. :) **


	6. Chapter 6

"HOW COULD YOU LOSE TONY STARK IN A STRIP MALL? HE DOESN'T LOOK LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND IS PRETTY EASY TO SPOT!" Pepper shouted as soon as the team got into the car. (There was a fight as to where each member sat. Bruce got shotgun, Natasha sat behind Bruce, Clint sat in the middle, Steve sat beside Clint, and Thor sat in the floor.)

"Pepper, I know you're upset, but shouting at us won't make Tony appear here." Natasha said calmly as she reached forward and placed her hand on Pepper's.

"I just worry about him, Tasha. He tells me I have nothing to worry about, but he doesn't have his suit. At least when he's wearing the suit, I feel like he's safer. He is fragile when it comes to him having to fight without his suit."

"I know, Pepper. I fought him before."

"Ohhhhhhh! Stark got beat by Natasha? Clint said loudly.

"I don't think now is the time to dog on Tony." Steve warned.

"I love him, Tasha, and I don't want to lose him."

"Well, this is Tony Stark we're talking about. He'll find a way to get our attention."

Just as Natasha said attention, a loud explosion erupted at a nearby gas station. Steve jumped out of the car and ran to see if anyone needed help. Bruce started to go, but he realized that he might make matters worse.

"Clint, go help Steve."

"But- okay."

"I would go, but I don't think the other guy would be much help."

"You can stay, Bruce."

Natasha turned and looked at Pepper through the rearview mirror. The poor woman had worry lines beginning to appear on her face. Her eyes were swelled up in the first stage of crying. Her hair was a mess, probably from running her fingers through them. She looked like a wreck, and it was all because Tony was kidnapped. Natasha couldn't help, but feel guilty. Tony had been kidnapped under her watch.

"Do you want a Kleenex?" Bruce asked.

"Thanks." Pepper said as Bruce gave her one.

"Tony will be found and I swear we will have some serious business with these kidnappers." Natasha said as she pointed to Pepper.

"Tony's smart. He knows we're looking for him and will find a way to give us a flare. He might even be working on a way right now."

"If he even can do anything. They might have him tied to a chair, beating him. He knows so many things that would ruin many lives. He has information from the government that is beyond top secret. He also has SHIELD secrets. He's a walking bomb of information."

"I don't think Tony would just give that information away."

"Yes, but if these kidnappers have done their homework, they know how to make him squeal. Tony has limits, even though he tries to hide them. He can break, he's not invincible."

Natasha squeezed Peppers hand and tried to encourage her. Bruce didn't really know what to do, but he supplied the tissues for waterworks. The three sat in the car for a while and waited for Steve and Clint to return.

"Captain America and Hawkeye have been captured." A woman, dressed similar to the man, said.

"You see, Mr. Stark, your team is walking right into our plans. We were hoping to catch Dr. Banner in the first trap, but Barton will be fine."

"How do you plan to capture the Hulk?"

"Are you familiar with Hydrochlorothiazide?"

"No, but, please, enlighten me."

"It is a drug that can slow the heart rate until it seems the subject has died. That will stop the Hulk from making an unnecessary appearance. His transformation is based upon adrenaline, so a slow heart will halt the surge of adrenaline."

Tony's eyes widened. He had planned on using something similar to that, in the case that Bruce really lost control. However, he never wanted to actually kill Bruce.

"He won't die, Mr. Stark. I can see it in your eyes that you feared such. He would be a good motivation for you to work faster. However, the Avengers have already given us a major motivator."

The man handed Tony a portable screen. Tony looked and saw his other car. Pepper was sitting in the driver's seat, she was crying. Bruce sat beside her, handing her Kleenexes, while Natasha talked to her.

"You hacked into Jarvis? You hacked into my computer?"

"It was easy. We merely implanted a virus that went around your defenses."

"What virus? I made Jarvis virus-proof. I made the entire fire-wall and had it connected to a virus notification site that listed every virus! I made Jarvis able to adapt to anything that came to hack him!"

"But you did not expect what was so blatantly obvious. Do you remember that hilarious video you received from Clint Barton?"

"You mean the one with the incredibly annoying citrus fruit?"

"That one," The man said with a smirk. "Was your undoing."

"But it was from Clint." Tony whimpered.

"His password was NatashaBarton. We sent the virus in the video. As soon as you opened your email, the virus replaced Jarvis entirely. For the past month, you have been helped by us. We have played Jarvis while learning everything about your team."

"That idiot."

"I would have thought you would be more worried about your girlfriend."

"The video showed you don't have her yet. Besides, Bruce and Natasha will keep her safe."

"How safe will she be when she drives right into our trap?"

"Natasha is a world class assassin. She can sense anything."

"Tony?"

Tony turned and saw Clint and Steve tied to tables. They were being wheeled in by guards. They were relieved to actually see Tony.

"Pepper is worried sick about you. We were trying to find you, but this gas station blew up. Now we're here."

"I know. I was kidnapped by the loons who work for Hammer."

"Hammer? Oh, Justin Hammer. That one guy you always make jokes about and call him names?"

"Yes, Steve, that Justin Hammer."

"Well, you can rest assured that Pepper will find us."

"How?"

"Because an angry woman searches like there's no tomorrow. I'm guessing you didn't read the book I gave you." Clint said.

"Why would I read A Guy's Guide to Being a Playboy? I already am a playboy."

**Okay, so last chapter I split between the team and Tony. I made a divider, but I guess that fanfiction can't display those. I am sorry if there was any confusion. I tried to fix it in this chapter. **


	7. Chapter 7

"I wonder why they aren't coming back." Natasha asked after almost an hour of waiting.

The fire department had come and finished the job, but the boys still were missing. Bruce had run out of Kleenexes, but Pepper didn't need anymore. After a while, Bruce noticed something else that was interesting.

"Where's Thor?"

The two women looked around the car to find that the Norse god had gone missing as well. Natasha and Bruce got out of the car and looked around. Pepper followed close behind, making sure that the car was locked before leaving it.

"What is up with these guys? Do they think they can just leave while we're looking for Tony?"

"That gas station explosion was pretty convenient, don't you think? Kind of like it was planned for it to happen when we got here?" Bruce interjected.

"Excuse me," Pepper said to a fireman. "Why did the station explode?"

"We don't know for sure. Only four people survived and they were badly burned. They all said they were saved by either Captain America or some guy with a bow hanging around his back. I figured Hawkeye, so thank you for sending them out."

"And did they say where they went?"

"One person said that they went back into the fire and never came out."

Natasha was frightened for a moment that Clint had died in the fire and it was all her fault for telling him to go. She ran into the remains of the gas station. Bruce and Pepper ran after her. She dug through the ashes and felt tears welling up in her eyes.

"He wouldn't be dead. He's smart enough to know not to die." She said as she threw debris.

Bruce sat down beside her and began shifting through the debris with her. Pepper did too. The three of them dug and dug until Bruce hit something. His foot stubbed a bit of the floor. Bruce hulked out from the sudden pain and shouted angrily.

"Bruce! Bruce, it's okay! You just stubbed your foot!"

"HULK HURT! STUPID FLOOR!"

"My friend, I have found you! When I returned to the transport, you were gone and I assumed the worst. Where are the blond fighter and the archer?"

"They-"

"This is a trap door!" Natasha said suddenly.

"HULK SMASH!"

Hulk smashed through the floor and grabbed his three companions. They all fell into a tunnel. Natasha turned on a flashlight and checked that Pepper and Thor were okay.

"HULK SQUISHED!"

"If you let Bruce come back, you can come with us."

"HULK HUNGRY! SMALL MAN SAY HULK GET FOOD!"

"We're looking for Tony. We need you to help us find him."

"SMALL MAN! SMALL MAN! SMALL MAN!" Hulk shouted down the tunnel.

"They're here!" A voice said.

"I believe, Man of green, that we were meant to be secretive."

"HULK-"

Suddenly a dart hit Hulk. Hulk yelled, but began shrinking. Bruce fell to the ground. His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving.

"Bruce?" Natasha said, hoping he was unconscious.

"The Hulk is down, proceed to Thor!"

"How dare you harm my friend and threaten me! How dare you take the Man of iron! And how dare you make Woman of Stark cry! I will smite thee and ensure the safety and joy of my friends!"

Thor twirled his hammer around and around. He threw it with all his might at the group of guards. They all fell to the ground. Behind them were even more guards. Thor's hammer returned to him as Natasha pulled out her guns.

"Try and wake Bruce up. We need the Hulk. Put your jacket over him for now." Natasha said as she turned to the guards.

The guards descended upon them. Thor fought them off valiantly while Natasha gunned any that got past them. They seemed like they were actually going to make it. That is, until Thor was hit by the same dart as Bruce was.

"Thor!"

"This will not harm me, fair maiden. I am Asgardian! And I will not be-"

Thor immediately fell to the ground. Natasha tried to fight them off, but they quickly overwhelmed her. She felt a guard hit her in the face. She fell down and held her face. They hit her again and again until she was enveloped by darkness.


	8. Chapter 8

"You see, Tony, everything worked out exactly as I had planned. I caught you, and your team came running like lost puppies to find you."

"I would call my team more than lost puppies. Maybe powerful, scary, lethal puppies, but not lost puppies."

"You have gotten onto my last nerve!" The man said as he walked away from Tony.

Tony was tired of the man annoying him. He was now bored of being kidnapped. The only thing left was to break out and free his friends.

"I have received word that your rescue team has arrived. They will be here shortly."

"Smart man; put an entire team of superheroes in the same room."

"Oh, I am smart. The entire team has been fitted with sound blocking devices. You can hear them, but they can't hear you. They also will not be able to see you. Now, tell me I'm a genius."

"I'm a genius."

"No, you're an idiot."

"You're an idiot."

"Stop copying me. I said stop copying me!" Tony and the man said at the same time.

Tony had perfected the copying game. He had worked many years in being able to predict human behavior based upon Rhodey and Pepper. This man was so predictable, it was almost boring.

"Tony!"

Tony's stomach dropped about twenty feet. Pepper was there now. Thor, Bruce, Natasha, Steve, and Clint were all tied to tables and had huge helmets on their heads. Pepper was the only one without a helmet. She was also tied to a chair instead of a table.

"What happened? I thought you were with Natasha and Bruce. And how did Thor get captured?"

"Well the big guy was a little bit of a problem, but solved with a little shot of Hydrochlorothiazide. Went to sleep like a baby. We only had to land one dart on each of them. Natasha was simply taken down by an overwhelming number of hits to the head."

"How did you dart Hulk? The government has tried with their best thinkers. Well, by their best, I mean those idiots who think shooting bigger weapons will work."

"That was their problem. They thought the bigger the weapon, the harder to deflect. When we became Jarvis, our team found all of your data that Dr. Banner had collected. It even gave us a little answer. Do you remember the temporary fix he found with a certain Dr. Samuel Sterns? Well, we merely dipped the tips of the darts in an enhanced, faster working antidote. With my modifications, all it had to do was touch Dr. Banner. The job took two or three shots, but it did a fantastic job. He won't be waking up for a while and by the time he does, he will be pumped with the antidote to ensure he doesn't have another transformation. Face it, Stark, you have lost."

"SHIELD will find us."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about SHIELD. They are following ghost leads that my team keeps feeding them. They won't find you for a long time. Again, you have lost. Hammer will get what he wants and we will get paid."

Tony was at a loss. He did not know what to do. He looked at his friends. They were waking up.

"Boys, open a link for me to talk to the team. They should know where they are. Oh, and let Tony hear them."

"Hello, dear visitors, I would like to welcome you to your new home. This is going to be your new home for the foreseeable future." The man said into a device.

"My sight has left me! Why is the world dark?"

"You have a helmet on. You will not be able to- how do you handle him?" The man asked Tony.

"He's a good fighter and an amazing friend."

"He reminds me of a very stupid puppy."

"What is it with you and puppies?"

"Where's Tony?" Steve asked.

"Oh, he's here. He wanted to speak with you, but I thought it would be best to wait for a bit."

The group seemed unsettled by the man. Bruce started to wake up just as two guards finished fitting him with an IV drip.

"Wha-where am I? I swear if this is those government conspiracy theorists again, I will be seriously mad."

"No, although that sounds like an interesting story."

"Who are you?"

"Well, since all of you are here, I would like to introduce myself as Dr. Hedric Graves. I have an extensive background in many fields of science. I would also like to say right here, for anyone who doesn't realize this now, I am evil. All of you are being held as a little incentive for Mr. Stark to work faster on his new creation."

"Tony! Is Tony okay? Where is he?" Bruce asked, disturbed by his inability to hulk out.

"Oh he's right here."

"I don't trust you."

"And you are wise to not. You will all be safe, as long as Tony works hard enough, and might even be able to see Tony at some point."

Hedric smiled as he marched over to Bruce. Tony tensed up, feeling anger rise inside him like a hurricane.

"I am very familiar with your work, Dr. Banner. I might even let you lose so we might have a chat."

"Hulk says he thinks you need a tic tac, I would have to agree with him on this. I would also like to tell you to shove off because I'm not going to be 'having a chat' with a man who kidnaps my friends and me."

Tony smirked, proud that his snarky comments were starting to rub off on Bruce. He frowned when Hedric leaned in closer.

"I wouldn't try to annoy the man who has you chained to a table. I need Tony alive, not you."

"If any of my team dies, I will not do anything."

"Oh, I can kill all of your team. The only person I need to keep alive is Miss Potts."

Tony hated feeling so helpless. That's why he had his suit. He had even created bracelets to have his suit come to him! He was thinking about his bracelets when a plan hit him smack in the face.

It was stupid for him to not have realized this sooner! Why did he forget the simplest, most unsuspicious way of freeing the entire team. He looked at Pepper.

"Can I go talk to her? She's probably in shock." Tony said calmly.

"I'll go with you." Hedric said as he left Bruce.

Tony strode over to Pepper. She tried smiling, but it crumpled quickly.

"I was so worried about you Tony."

"I know. Hey, hey, look at me, I'm fine."

Tony walked behind her and checked her arms and wrists. He forced his face to remain concerned, trying his hardest to not smile. He had to keep his secret and wait for the perfect time. He was beyond happy that Pepper had worn his present her had given her during their anniversary. She had just saved Stark Industries, the Avengers, and Tony by wearing her bracelet.


	9. Chapter 9

"There, now, go back to work." Hedric said as Tony kissed Pepper.

He had used the kiss to distract Hedric from Tony activating the suit homing beacon. He hoped that the signal would travel to the suit without alerting the false Jarvis. He had made Pepper's suit to be completely dependent on itself. Jarvis was not involved with this suit at all and Tony congratulated himself for doing so. (Although the original reason he did that was completely different to the situation that now called for such.)

"It'll be okay pepper. Just stay calm and everything will be okay."

Tony hoped that Pepper didn't freak out and ruin the chance he had made for everyone to be freed. He knew that she probably wouldn't because she had worked with Tony long enough to not panic. However, there was always a chance.

"Go back to work."

"I'm going."

It would take a few minutes, depending on how far away they really were from the house. He just hoped that the long range signal was strong enough, among other variables that could ruin this. Tony pulled wire cutters close to him.

"What is that beeping noise?"

The suit was faster than Tony had expected. It was almost there. He turned to Hedric and hit the man in the face. He ran to Pepper.

"Pepper, get ready!"

"For what?"

"Don't run away from it!" Tony shouted as he used the wire cutters to cute the rope on Pepper's wrists.

"Run away from what?"

BOOM! The suit, still in box form, had busted through the wall. It expanded and flew straight to Pepper.

"Put your arms out like I do. This is the second part of your present."

Pepper did so just as the guards burst in from nowhere. They aimed for Pepper, but the suit was already protecting her. They were toast.

"Tony? I don't know how to fly this thing!" Pepper shouted.

"Don't worry, Jarvis will- oh, wait."

"Why isn't Jarvis answering?"

"Because, we are Jarvis! You have just handed us an Iron Man suit." Hedric said as he began typing in a laptop.

"Ah-ha! This is the real icing on the cake! I didn't connect Mach F-1 to Jarvis! This design was completely off computer! I made this myself! Now, call me a genius."

"Still can't use this, Tony. You didn't teach me how to."

"You're going to have to call out what you want! It's voice activated!"

"Shoot the guards!" Pepper shouted.

The Mach F-1 aimed and hit all of the guards. They fell to the ground, unconscious from the shocks they had just received.

"Pepper, take care of any others who want to come and play! I'll get the team up and running."

Tony ran to his friends. He started with Bruce. He tried to pull the helmet off, but was met with Bruce shouting at him.

"You don't yank the human skull, you idiot! There's a latch on the side!"

Tony found the latch and unlocked the helmet. He yanked out the IV and hoped that Bruce could hulk out soon. They would need the big guy. Tony quickly untied Bruce and ran over to Steve.

"There you go."

"I need to find my shield." Steve said as he ripped off the chains.

"Fine, but get back here ASAP."

Natasha and Clint were next. Tony managed to free them. He immediately turned to see what Pepper had gotten herself into.

She was holding Hedric. Steve, Bruce (who had managed to transform at some point during the fight), and Clint were finishing off the guards while Natasha looked around the facility. Tony paused and was able to look at his masterpiece.

It had been hard for him to get exact measurements, but he had guessed when he wasn't for sure. The colors were black with a rich, royal blue. It looked like it fit perfectly on Pepper. She walked over to Tony and held out Hedric.

"How does it feel to be Iron Woman?"

"You made the butt too small."

"What?"

"I feel squished. My butt is not this tiny. I love the colors though."

"Awesome."

"So that's why you asked me to try and steal some of Pepper's clothes." Bruce said as he morphed back to himself.

Bruce found a lab coat and covered himself. Thor made a large hole in the wall and motioned for the team to walk through it.

"We shall celebrate our victory with the sweet frozen cream that rots our teeth! I demand to consume the chocolate flavored cream!"

"Pepper, where's the car?" Tony asked.

"Over by the exploded gas station. Why did that man say something about a false Jarvis?"

"Argh! I'm going to have to completely reboot, rewire, and fix Jarvis! Oh, by the way Clint, change your password to something better than NatashaBarton."

"Hey, that's a secret password!"

"Natasha Barton? Really?" Natasha asked as she gave Clint a look.

"Shut up!"

"I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!" Thor sang so loudly that Tony jumped.

"All right, calm down Thor! We'll take you for ice cream!"

"May we all sing joyously as we consume such sweet frozen goodness?"

"Will you pout if we don't?"

Thor nodded as he stuck out his lower lip.

"I blame you for giving him ice cream." Tony said to Bruce.

"He hit his foot on his own hammer. It was either let him cry or give him something to catch his interest. Which would you have chosen, Tony?"

"I…I would have chosen the ice cream." Tony grumbled as he helped Pepper into the backseat.

"To the cream parlor!" Thor said as Clint drove the car to the nearest ice cream store.

** Fin. And so the fanfiction comes to a close. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing the story! :D**


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